September 8, 1945prev home next
A feast day... and a day of remembrances... and a day of comparisons. A day, then, which would bring me suffering. And since yesterday Jesus has been... anaesthetizing me to suffering with his perceptible love. Yesterday, in order not to have me think about my circumstances - human and painful - He drew near and acted as my teacher even as regards secular matters.
Let me explain. Some days ago I was speaking with the young man I have as a lodger,91 who is about to enter the Faculty of Philosophy and Letters and is going through a turbulent period because of a clash between his former life as a Young Catholic and... his current inclination towards being a Young Communist, through the influence of classmates and out of disgust over the failings of the clergy, which have been brutally manifested to him in these times of evacuations, base acts, and selfishness. And, while talking about philosophy and letters, he asked me if I liked Socrates.
Like him? Of course. On my own, I always liked him, but since Jesus started instructing me, I have liked him more because I understand him better. But I possess only Socrates’ Eutyphro and the Apology. And when I was... half a brute, they helped me not to degrade myself. Not to degrade oneself is already to prepare for elevation.
The young man brought me the Phaedo. I have little time and little desire to read nonsense or serious works. But if I do not waste the little I have on nonsense, I always find a little to devote to serious reading, to take my mind off the usual work, too. For - it will seem strange, but it’s true - while I desire this work with my whole self, from time to time I also feel the need to send myself out for a stroll through other thoughts which are not supernatural ones, for the repose, as it were, of the part which is not spiritual - indeed, of the material and moral parts. I thus picked up the Phaedo, saying, “If Jesus allows me to have it, it’s a sign I will derive some good from it.” He has always acted that way! He has handed me or gotten me in touch with books or people I have derived good from, either for me or for them.
I started to read. But it was not Maria Valtorta who was reading the Phaedo, as it was Maria Valtorta who once read Eutyphro. It was and is now the “spokesman.” And through that phenomenon which occurs to me when Jesus wills, the words are illuminated with a supernatural light and enriched with supernatural references. Do you remember when I read those books by Ubaldi,92 and since God so willed, I drew deeply Christian thoughts from them? You smiled at this... property of mine for seeing, feeling, savoring, and understanding God alone, even in the works of a devil. But I can account for it quite well. It is because God has given me... special, miraculous lenses which cancel out the wicked words and turn them into good ones. I think of the Gospel: “You will step on snakes and scorpions, and they will not harm you.”93 God is good!
But, to get back to the Phaedo, I was reading and sensing the supernatural there, too, but I was unable to savor it in its truth. Jesus drew near to me, on the right-hand side of my bed, close to the pillow, and, standing with his back slightly turned towards me, with his left hand on my left shoulder, He gave me a very beautiful lesson - so beautiful that I was in ecstasy. I was blessed to feel so close to Him, to the point of perceiving the warmth of his body, and I was blessed to hear his commentary, of which I would provide a very muddled version if I wanted to repeat it. But the light remained in me.
I clearly remember only that sentence I mentioned to you about reminiscence: “I spoke about this in ‘Mary’s Childhood.’ Souls remember because they come from the Light, and as a molecular lightning bolt, on being formed, gathers together the elements scattered in the sky and takes them with it, so they take particles of Eternal Intelligence with them. And the more transparent a soul is, through Grace, and active, through Will, the more it remembers. Not as the Greek philosopher says - for he is the possessor of just a semirevelation, a barely glimpsed religion, and thus cannot have the whole Truth - but as I say. The soul does not remember because it lives again. Rather, it remembers because it comes from the place where everything is known.” He also spoke about returning to life, but I do not recall clearly. I know He said Socrates had followed this thought in a straight line as far as he could, and then, since he lacked knowledge of Divine Truth, he drifted off the straight line and doubled back downwards instead of continuing the ascent. He said, “A second life is lived, indeed, but no longer on the earth. With the spirit, in other realms.” But I lose track of the rest.
I would like Him to dictate his explanations since afterwards I will no longer have the book and... good-bye to everything. But I like even more to have Him as a schoolteacher... in all branches of knowledge. He is a lucid and patient teacher. But the student is a dunce, and when He closes the book, I can no longer repeat anything.... I remain in joy... and the wicked deeds of the world don’t exist any more....
Last night I was smiling with my eyes closed, so blessed that Marta thought I had fallen into an ecstatic sleepiness. No, I was wide awake, but was hearing words able to take me into ecstasy - and to see I had no need for eyes.... I remain with my sweet Jesus nearby... blessed.... His gift, his mercy for his Maria on the day of the Holy Child Mary94
91 Perhaps the Mantuan referredin the previous entry
92 See the entry for November 14 in The Notebooks. 1944, especially note 793.
93 Luke 10:19.
94 We pass over about forty-one handwritten pages (September 8 and 10, 1945) containing due episodes from The Second Year of the Public Life.