April 18, 1946prev home
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Jesus’ Words During My Thanksgiving for Holy Communion on Holy Thursday
I was ardently praying for Father, Paola, M. Teresa, Fed.,226 and, finally, myself, that it might become clear that I was innocent and that God might defend me. And I was praying with the words “O Lord, I offer You Holy Communion today, the Feast of the Holy Eucharist, that You may help me and help those dear to me or those I feel greatly need help. Blessed Virgin of Fatima, St. John the Ap-”
Jesus cut off my words, saying:
“You have named the two Eucharistic souls par excellence. “Mary, my Mother, was the perfection of Eucharistic souls. The Eucharist means to have God in oneself with his Divinity and his Humanity. Mary had God in her spirit with his Divinity from the moment she was conceived in Anna’s womb; she had God with his Humanity when she changed from a daughter into God’s Spouse and became pregnant with God; she had God with his Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity from the evening of Holy Thursday until her Dormition, for the Eucharist was her Food, and her womb and her spirit were the ciborium of the Eucharist.
“John, the Beloved One, had purity and love from the use of reason on; he had an ardent desire for God from his most tender years onward; he had total faith in his Jesus, encountered near the Jordan River; he had victory, over against human respect and human calculation, out of love for Me. From the evening of Holy Thursday until his nearly one-hundredth evening he opened himself to receive Me in the Sacrament of Love, as he had previously opened his intellect to receive my Word.
“They are the two most -perfect Eucharistic spirits among all who belonged or will belong to the great family of Christians.”
And He said nothing more, for these are days of penance, and there is no greater penance for poor Maria - who can no longer carry out the ordinary, daily acts of penance she greatly loved, except when Jesus’ goodness grants that she may - than this silence of Jesus.... But today I was happy because I had been able to resume the forms of penance which Jesus had taken away from me because of my condition. I offered them to make reparation for Jesus’ sufferings and for Father Romualdo, who, precisely today, directed a rebuke at me.... Another flogging, more painful than the material ones.... I offered this rebuke, too, to the Suffering Jesus for my suffering Director - who makes me suffer more than anyone else.... And, completely alone in my room, I resumed - it was 9 p.m. - for Marta was visiting the Seven Churches....
Shortly before Miss Rocchiccioli, the sister of my pastor, who had come to wish me well, had left. After speaking about one thing or another, she happened to mention Dora Barsotelli - describing her in terms of the opinion held by many and repeating her assertions that when her husband came, he would be told that she was not sick, but hysterical (so it seemed to me, more or less...) and that was because she had fallen in love with the local priest (?). Wonderful...! That was all we needed! My remark: if she were holy, she would not say certain things. Miss Rocchiccioli was right. But the bad part was that she generalized and concluded, “When the evacuation took place, they told me about some man or woman who wrote revelations, dictations, or whatever! And Father Migliorini attended to her. Did he ever bring you some of them to read?”
I answered, “He never brought any to me.” Indeed, there was no need for him to bring them.... It was I who gave them to him to be taken away... so that he would keep them, but....
And Miss Rocchiccioli ended, “I certainly never believed in that because the saints don’t put themselves on display, and the mere fact that they want to be known shows that they are not saints. But, for the sake of curiosity, seeing that Father Mariano was reading these notebooks, I asked him for them. But he refused to give them to me, saying that Father Migliorini, his superior, did not give his permission. ‘Well, keep them,’ I replied. In any case, to believe in a saint I wait until he’s canonized. So what! Well! Whether it was a man or a woman, such saints, unless they are crazy, do not make themselves known and wait for the Church to speak out” and so on.
“You are right,” I replied. “The soul that has understood God does not seek praise and human notoriety.” And I said so with utter conviction! It is what I have been preaching for three years.... But it was never heeded.
Inside, though, with the pain of one seeing something more than a human masterpiece crushed in the mire, I wept, thinking once more of all the harm that had been done to God’s Work. It is useless to be offended, my Father, and rebel against the truth, which is this. It is useless to try to persuade anyone that what has been done in opposition to God’s will and the continuous prayer of the woman who has never wanted to be known and did not want the Work to be known before her death in order to obey God is not harmful. In addition to the pain of having to lie by saying, “I don’t know this,” there is the pain of hearing that exactly what has not been done is being judged as an error, and the Work, as fanaticism - something it does not deserve - and, above all, the pain of seeing that what is the word of God is taken as an object of mockery....
What great, great pain! I am truly scourged more than by lashes.... But You know the Truth, O Jesus Christ! You know it.... Miss Rocchiccioli, I am convinced, said it without malice, not knowing she was in front of the person she was criticizing, and if she finds out one day, she will be left mortified more than I. But, in the meantime, how many mortifications and what great pain from seeing the Work stripped of its decorous, supernatural guise! A piece of buffoonery! Reduced to a bit of ludicrous tomfoolery....
Oh, Father! You, that speak imperiously because Maria points out the full seriousness of the mistake made by disseminating the King’s secret227 - what do you know about this agony of mine, which really makes me shed tears and life? What are you grieving about...?
It is the evening of Holy Thursday.... Jesus forgave.... And I forgive....
226 Father Migliorini, Paola Belfanti, Mother Teresa Maria, and Emma Federici.
227 Tobit 12:7.