(A parenthesis. Interrupted at this point by a more marked weakness, I had abandoned myself on the pillows, and the Divine One Dictating had let me rest. As soon as I had recovered a bit, though, the Holy Spirit mentioned a thought to me which I, in a moment of laziness following upon the exhaustion I was in, did not make an effort to write down, saying, “I’ll remember it.” That had been at 12 noon. Now it was 2 p.m. And I was looking for it in vain. Lost! And it had been so profound! I suffered spiritually. I got agitated in the futile search for what I had lost through my own fault.
For the first time I heard the Holy Spirit with severity in his voice, saying to me, “You have been getting lazy for some time. When you are interrupted for reasons of charity or are disturbed by another, We come to your aid. But when you lose a pearl because of a moment of laziness on your part, We do not come to your aid. Remain in your affliction. And do not search. You would not find those words of mine even if you were to leaf through all the books on the earth. Let this suffering of yours be your punishment.”
He was right. But I was so tired! So weak that the pen was falling from my fingers and I was collapsing on all sides. I could not manage to keep my eyes open, nor did God convey his strength to me to serve Him, as He does when He wants to. And yet... I should have written, however and wherever I could have, though having to recopy later. Now it is done with and there is no solution. If a gap remains here, it is my fault. It is true. I am now so sick that I have gotten lazy. God had mercy until today. Today He is punishing. Patience. It’s what I deserved, and a just punishment.)
Today, June 14, I am continuing the dictation begun on June 12.374
374 We omit the aforementioned lesson, occupying over twelve handwritten pages, and the following notebook, containing a transcription of all the Lessons on Paul’s Letter to the Romans, with additions by the writer.